The Deadpool Paradox
by PotCFan101
Summary: Seriously? THAT'S the title of this fic? What, are we ripping off DC Comics now? (Zip it, Slade!) And what's up with the cover image? That doesn't look like me at all! That's just some video game voice actor... oh no. Are we really doing this? Fine. Spoiler alert kids: I killed myself. Well, I killed the guy who plays me in the movies. Can I save the timeline from my past self?


Wade Wilson woke up in his apartment, sleeping on a couch with his suit still on.

"Cher… we need to name our kid Cher…" Wade murmured in his sleep, before bolting awake. "Cher!" Deadpool looked around, thinking he had one of the weirdest dreams. The dream involved some cyborg guy from the future coming in and saving his life, then he used his time travel watch to go back in time to save his dead girlfriend.

"Morning Red." A voice came from the bedroom, almost singing. Deadpool looked up, he knew that voice.

"Vanessa?" Wade asked, and his girlfriend appeared. "Fuck yeah! It wasn't a dream at all!"

"You were out cold after vanishing with that thing." Vanessa smirked, pointing at Wade's watch he took from the cyborg Cable.

"Huh. Guess it worked after all." Wade smiled.

"Kiss me like you miss me." Vanessa grabbed Wilson by the shoulders and took off his mask, beginning to liplock with the merc with the mouth. Wade smiled, but then looked at a mirror on the other side of the room, frowning at his appearance.

"What the fuck?" Deadpool yelled. "I'm not Ryan Reynolds! I'm some less handsome guy! Who did the fucking casting?"

"Babe, what're you talking about?" Vanessa asked.

"Hold on honey, busy breaking the fourth wall." Deadpool pushed his girlfriend to the side, and looked straight towards a wall. "What the fuck gives? Who's writing this fanfic?"

 _Deadpool, you're being played by Nolan North. You killed Ryan Reynolds before he got the chance to play Green Lantern, remember? As a result, Green Lantern starred a different actor._

"Are you fucking serious?" Deadpool screamed. "Are you saying I have to be played by my video game actor?!"

 _Well, either that, or you can be erased from existence entirely._ At that moment, Deadpool began to slowly crumble to dust.

"Vanessa, I don't feel so good." Wade gasped. "Okay, you win! You win! I don't want to be Infinity War-ed!"

 _Very well, but you are to remain as a different actor._

"Or I can just stop myself from killing Reynolds, thereby ensuring he can play me in my next fifteen movies." Deadpool smirked.

 _No, Wilson, you are to go through a journey realizing that you can't save anyone. This is too early-_

"Yeah yeah, fuck off." Deadpool muttered, before turning back to Vanessa. "Listen babe, I gotta go for a sec-"

"You really are a dumb cunt, aren't you?" Cable barged into the apartment. "You just fucked up the timeline!"

"What, did I turn the world into a living Hell?" Deadpool asked sarcastically. "I Thomas Wayne Batman? Did Superman land in Metropolis?"

"The fuck are you talking about?" Cable asked, confused.

"Just cut the shit, I already know what happened from this idiots writing this giving me an exposition dump." Deadpool told the cyborg. "Don't worry, I'm fixing it now."

"Wait, I should go with you-" Cable started to say, but Wade cranked the dial back, going back to the time that he shot Ryan Reynolds.

 _2011_

"Welcome to the big leagues, kid." Ryan Reynolds said to himself, finishing reading the script for Green Lantern.

"Wait!" Reynolds looked up, seeing Deadpool himself standing before him, and pointing his gun behind him. "Don't shoot him!"

"What? Why the fuck not?" Ryan turned around, seeing another merc with a mouth.

"Because he's us, remember?" The first Deadpool reminded. "Or, you. Because once you kill him, there won't be a you, just me! Look, for every Pirates of the Caribbean, there needs to be a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. For every Batman V Superman, there needs to be a Daredevil. And for every Deadpool there needs to be a Green Lantern!"

"What the fuck does that mean?" The second Deadpool asked, and the first Deadpool tore off his mask. "No, no!"

"Yes! Look at me!" The first Deadpool yelled, revealing his face to be Nolan North's. "Fucking LOOK AT ME!"

"Alright, fine!" The second Deadpool pouted. "I won't kill this guy."

"Good." Because we need him." The first Deadpool finished, and both mercs teleported away, leaving a very confused Ryan Reynolds.

 _Present_

Deadpool woke up again on the couch, but this time, he knew what had happened.

"Did it work?" Deadpool asked himself, taking off his mask. Unfortunately, he found that his face was still Nolan North's. "What the fuck is it now?"

 _Well, Wade, after meeting two Deadpools, Ryan Reynolds actually did a good job as Green Lantern. His movie went on to be the starting point for DC's movie universe, leading to Justice League, with Ryan staying in the role._

"God damn it!" Deadpool yelled, and used the time travelling device to go back moments before he killed Ryan Reynolds.

 _Deadpool, what are you doing? You're supposed to go to the moment you kill Reynolds, and a bunch of versions of you will pop up, arguing about killing him!_

"Fuck off with the Family Guy crap, I'm done listening to you!" Deadpool pulled out a gun and seemingly shot at nothing, the sound of a body collapsing on the ground was heard. "It's my story, after all."

Deadpool saw his younger self a few feet away, beginning to climb through a window and into Ryan Reynold's apartment.

"Wait, stop!" Deadpool yelled to his past self. "You don't want to kill him!"

"Sure I do!" The second Deadpool yelled. "He fucked up Green Lantern!"

"But if you kill him, we'll be played by a different actor!" Wade yelled, pulling off his mask. "Look, we're not that handsome, pizza faced asshole anymore!"

"It'll be worth it!" The second Deadpool replied, continuing to climb. Sighing in frustration, the first Deadpool took out a gun and shot his past self in the leg, causing him to fall and land on his back.

"If you don't take your stupid fucking ass back to our shithole, I'm gonna blow your goddamn head off, then force it to blow me!" Deadpool threatened, aiming his pistol at the other Wade's face.

"Okay, okay!" The past Wilson complained, using the time travelling device and teleporting away. Smiling in relief, Deadpool looked down, seeing his body begin to fade away.

"Ryan, I don't feel so good…" Deadpool smirked, and that version of the merc with a mouth faded from existence.

Back at the apartment, Deadpool sat on the couch with Vanessa, telling her the weird adventure that had happened.

"So, another version of you stopped you… from killing someone who looked like you?" Vanessa asked, confused.

"That about covers it." Wade told her, as Cable walked in. "I'm guessing the timeline is restored?"

"See for yourself, asshole." Cable pointed to the mirror. Slowly, Deadpool took his mask off, revealing his face to be Ryan Reynold's.

"Hell yeah!" Deadpool cheered, before looking at a wall. "Take notes, DC. This is how you do a Flashpoint movie without the bloated runtime."

 _The End_


End file.
